Good Evening,
My name is Herr Joel Von Friesen and I am seeking employment in your medical clinic. My previous employment with the Transylvanian College of Women, as head of the Department of Medical Science and Unnecessary Surgical Procedures (neurology, physiology and podiatry) has given me the back ground in a working lecture hall and medical theatre. My specialty in Neurology and brain surgery has earned me high honors in Transylvania’s list of top 100 baron bachelors, and Time magazine’s “most feared” man of the year award in 1972.
I know what you must be thinking, “Why would such a top ranking and highly acclaimed neurosurgeon apply for work at my clinic?” This I can answer in a single phrase: I need fresh corpses for my experiments!
Many dark nights were spent by the light of the gas lamp trying to crack the mysteries of the human brain, with only my trusted assistant to help me. We would spend hours sifting through the brains of murderers, thieves, convicts and graphic designers searching for a brain that would be of the highest quality, and be able to sustain post-mortise reanimation. However all these inferior brains were never enough! Failure was my only reward; resulting in a brutish monster rampaging through the streets destroying thatch roof houses, chasing peasants and befriending children until cornered by an angry mob and burned to a second horrible death.
So I beseech you to take me on as a new intern in your clinic. You wouldn’t have to pay me for showing you the glorious secrets of the afterlife, however an occasional patient would be all I ask for in compensation.
All I would need is a businessman or lawyer, once a month; tops. No one will miss them. I can assure you.
Think of the glory your clinic would receive when it is revealed that one of your lowly interns has cracked the chamber door open to god’s great domain and snatched the secrets of everlasting life from his bosom! Presented it to you in an easy to sell package, (the promotional material is already made), with a no-load return on investment.
Please think about my offer.
