Dear Sir,
My name is Joel Friesen and I am writing to you today to ask you for employment, because I’m bored.
Three years ago I won $13.8 million in the Super-7, since then I have spent my life of leisure sipping cocktails from the nape of girls bodies and swimming in pools filled with champagne. Surprisingly, this gets dull really fast.
I talked to my shrink, and he suggested I pick up where I left off in my old life, working in the machine shop, on the band saw, making acrylic coat racks. FORGET THAT! No way am I going back there! Especially since I now own the company, fired my exboss and gave my buddies a raise, they see me more as a friend than a coworker.
So after some deep soul searching, I realized that your profession is where I’d like to try and alleviate my boredom.
Although I am not trained, and I’m doing this on a whim, there are benefits to hiring a multi millionaire:
- I don’t need the money, so I’ll work for whatever the minimum wage is these days.
- I’ll hardly be there, I’ll probably be out taking lunch most of the time to be honest.
- If I like the business, I can easily be an investor.
- I have several millionaire friends. All bored, and all looking to invest money.
My shrink thinks this will be a good move for me, and if we do this right it can be a win/win situation for both of us. I get to do something during the day and you get a willing worker with wads of cash.
Thank you for your time
Wow, lucky you. I dream about winning money daily and somehow I can imagine what it would be like not to have to worry any more and to have everything you’ve ever dreamed of. I can understand in a dreamy sort of way how easy it would be to get bored after awhile. I attempted to sell my soul on ebay for a buy it now price of $1,000,000.00 but was booted off by ebay because selling your soul is a violation of their policy. I actually had somewhere around 15 bids and 39 people watching my listing. I thought for a split second there that I might actually get to quit my job and move closer to my father to take care of him, but I should have expected with the luck I always seem to get, that something would go wrong. Hang in there, hey I’ve got a great idea, why don’t we switch places, oh let’s say for 20 years or so? I can be wealthy and you can be miserable????? Miserably busy that is and just plain miserable, but look at it this way, you wouldn’t be bored.
Good Luck-
Thanks Emma!
You know, being a pretend millionaire isn’t that easy. There are a lot of pretend functions I have to attend, fake dignitaries I have to host. It’s not a lot of fun. Some times I wish I was pretend poor again… Ah those were the days!
I wish I had your straights my friend, as I did at one time. Fortune is a fickle bedfellow, and you only find who your true friends are once it’s gone. If I had anywhere near that kind of money again, I would dissapear to my garage, and venture to put some of my long contemplated ideas to work building the future of mankind in areas of REAL affordable space travel, (not a idealistic boeing spinoff looking for a billion dollar government grant, like the X-33, but something built by beer drinking machinists, on a strict budget, in a back-yard garage that actually works) or a “realistic” electric car anyone could afford. I’ve had many such ideas since I was very young, and as the years go by I see honda inventing similar ideas in “regenerative braking”, and others that are long held ideas of mine. Screw the martini’s and pretty girls, been there, done that, and now I remorse that I was to young and stupid to put the money towards something lasting. I’ve found that people with money get caught in the “baggage” of wealth, and they turn into people no one wants to call “friend”, unless they are monitarily motivated. The big house, nice cars, etc. is just an illusion, and few find true happiness there unless they thrive on ego stroking, as I once did.
Everyone questions the value of space travel, but no one looks at the common sense economic side of it, or the “why’s” of doing it. I’m sure De Beers would pay hansomely for martian diamonds, which would be red due to the chemical makeup of the soil, or Hydrogen 3 (tritium) found in abundance on the surface of the moon, which most say is the key to nuclear fusion. It’s the most costly substance on the planet currently the last I checked, at 100k per gram, and a handful would pay for pretty much the entire space endeavor. My idea of a space craft is pretty basic, simple to build, and uses off-the-shelf technology that is so well proven, it makes one wonder why we are so stupid as to put valuable life at jeapardy by strapping them to a 45 year old rocket design, which is basically a controlled explosion. I would give the ideas to you for the asking, with no financial compensation to myself, as long as someone actually pursues it. After the first high atmosphere test flight, sponsors would be flocking to you, as the idea is so simple and safe, it mystifies me that we aren’t already doing it. (we very well might be in secret) This would open up contracts for the “other” space gear that would be needed, such as suits, life support, etc., and gain interest in LEO satelite deployment as a stable, reusable vehicle, with the capacity to carry heavy loads. Hire an aerospace engineer, with an open mind, to do the math to prove my idea is a very real, yet a cheap, safe, and (as per the laws of physics) basic reality. It could very easily put the cost of space travel down to the cost of an airline ticket, with a few hours maintenance turnaround time from LEO to ground to LEO. You asked for something to do to eleviate the boredom, why not shoot for the moon? Off-the-cuff figurative costs of mine put building it around 2-5 million dollars, depending on some of the “off the shelf” gear costs, and how cheap you can get a handfull of machinists to do something mind blowing.
Good luck in your endeavors.
Hard working stiff
Why don’t you sponsor a project such as turning over a lot of homes in Italy to solar energy?. The fuels here are very expensive compared to most other countries and yet there is loads of sun most if not all year round.It is terrible to think that whilst this is going to waste Italy is importing its electricity from France. Surely there could be a useful money making and interesting venture for you or your friends in doing this project ie: funding people to go over to solar power on a repayment basis.
Hello,
Pretend millionaire here again. I love being pretend rich, but I’d rather not have all the pretend stresses of being pretend rich. I guess if it weren’t for the loads of pretend money, I’d rather be poor.
Hi Joel! Well, I’m the author of a blog that could be interesting for you:
http://littlepaperboatformillionaires.wordpress.com/
In this blog I’m promoting an unique item, that is, a little paper boat for millionaires, the smallest known in the world, that only one person in the world can own. It is a paper boat completely hand-crafted by myself, without any kind of aditional instrument like pincers, lenses, scissors, ecc. Its size is 3,8mm x 1mm… Great manual ability and patience, that’s all.
The thing is that I want to sell it for 3 million dollars… do you think is crazy? Well I think it is difficult (because of the range of potential buyers is very limited) but not impossible. But, why should someone with enough money buy the LPB? The truth is that I don’t have a sufficiently convincing answer. I think it would be an interesting item because of its originality, craftsmanship and uniqueness in the world. It is clearly an item addressed only to millionaires. As you have written in your post “Bored millionaire seeks work”, most of them are bored of their lives because all they have can be bought for people with enough money to do so. However, the LPB is an unique object, and only one person in the world can own it. It is certainly not very useful (you can put it in a showcase or inside a pendant as much), but the idea is simply having something original that nobody else can have.
Well, this is all that I can offer to you for improving your life. You can visit my blog to see the LPB photos or write to: papir2009@hotmail.com for more info.
Thanks for your attention!
Joel the fake millionaire here again,
You have an AMAZING tiny paper boat, and i would LOVE to buy it with all the fake money i pretend to have! What is the cost of shipping for such a tiny little paper boat?
Dear Joel,
Do you have change for a pretend five? I am pretending to be thirsty for some fake mountain dew, but the soda non-machine keeps rejecting this invisible dollar. Damn these machines.
Good luck with living the good like (not really),
[NAME REDACTED]
Sorry, I’m fresh out of fake change! :/
Guys, being rich IS boring. Unless you’re man-pretty like me. Then it’s a blast because you get to play hide-n-seek with blonde airheads.
The crabs though… Watch out for the clap! They’re skanky, them blondes.
I have a father that owns a small pallet pick up business.
We ride throughout the countryside every morning picking up pallets.
The pay is 1 dollar per pallet. If you just wanna get away a lil in a quite peaceful enviornment and make money at the same time. Contact me Winn lightrain254@gmail.com
I just noticed that the last person actually entered my date of birth -
I was born on June 6th, maybe that was an omen, but here goes:
If your serious , which could happen, because money my friend does not change who we are, it just makes our life easier to pay the bills, but it doesn’t bring peace of what we should be in this world.
So allow me to show you a direction that could do just that. Imagine for a moment that someone had answers to many world issues , but had one major issue, it was lack of funds. Now if you worked for me, you would be an investor in NEW PRODUCTS, and what would be your job is simple, you would travel to the factories we assign to do production and be our quality control, we would travel sometimes together, because when we made a new idea I would need to go with you to make sure the factoy understands the CAD work correctly. Please take a moment to see that I am a professional inventor of almost 20 years and have the desire to help [people} work, make better lives, and help others who have goals is my reason I do what I do, and yes we would make money.
And you would gain a percentage from any product we make, and how many products and projects could we make, oh - around 3,000. Now what could we do - eventually you would be helping your planet, how?
you would be appart of a company that wants to make ideas that we have mind you, that can help the future, make clean energy, and ways for our world to be better for children and families of the future. If this sounds like something worth while then great, then join me. Ph. 716 592 9128 Type my full name in your MSN search : Richard Dean Neff from Springville , New York .
if your looking to invest money invest it in my brain i have 1000s of inventions running through my head everyday cant do anything bout it cause am to poor cant work do to birth injurys so cant afford a patent with your help i could make you an me richer