Culture Hole

Good Morning

My name is Joel Friesen and I am 7’ 6″ tall at 379 lbs. I am writing to you today because I feel I could be a great service to your business because of the advantage of my large frame. I’m sure a large company such as yours has often had the need for some one of my gigantic stature. I can reach for things on the high shelves and screw in light bulbs without the assistance of a large step ladder. This alone could save you hundreds of dollars in man hours each year, and reduce large bills for ladders and tall reaching devices.

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Dear Denise,

Allow me the pleasure of introducing myself to you. I am Joel the Talking Dog. Though I am not actually a real talking dog, (Like a Labrador or a pit-bull) but am in fact a professional entertainer that dresses in a dog suit and answers questions posed from the audience in a manor that would be expected from the likes of a dog that talks. (more…)

Bonjour. Je suis une masculin. Je suis appliqué pour le monsuir de langue du travail english/french. Mes qualifications dans la langue de l’amour sont grandes sous le soleil chaud, ma langue française fait cuire au four pour un crumpet chaud de traduction.

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Hello, my name is Joel Friesen, I am a professional criminal lawyer despite the fact I am only 14 years old.

After graduating high school at 8 and attending Yale school of Law until 12 I am now seeking legal employment with a forward thinking firm, bold enough to understand my contributions as a criminal lawyer.

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Dear Pickering,

Allow me to introduce myself, I am seeking a position in nuclear energy and energy transferal. Some of my qualities include a great aptitude for finding the correct buttons to push as well as identifying over 100 birds and snakes.

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Dear Sir,

My name is Joel Friesen and I am writing to you today to ask you for employment, because I’m bored.

Three years ago I won $13.8 million in the Super-7, since then I have spent my life of leisure sipping cocktails from the nape of girls bodies and swimming in pools filled with champagne. Surprisingly, this gets dull really fast.
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Hello,

I am an accomplished lab assistant & evil henchman with many awards and much acclaim. How ever I feel a need to change my profession as of late, the rewards of reanimating the dead pale in comparison to the rewarding work I did with the machines themselves.
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Good Evening,

My name is Herr Joel Von Friesen and I am seeking employment in your medical clinic. My previous employment with the Transylvanian College of Women, as head of the Department of Medical Science and Unnecessary Surgical Procedures (neurology, physiology and podiatry) has given me the back ground in a working lecture hall and medical theatre. My specialty in Neurology and brain surgery has earned me high honors in Transylvania’s list of top 100 baron bachelors, and Time magazine’s “most feared” man of the year award in 1972.

I know what you must be thinking, “Why would such a top ranking and highly acclaimed neurosurgeon apply for work at my clinic?” This I can answer in a single phrase: I need fresh corpses for my experiments!

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