culture hole

Inspired by a teacher-librarian I know, I will present you with a comprehensive list of career fair booths that are rarely ever seen.

• Enjoy an Exiting Career in Phrenology!
• There’s a Career for you in Pig Training
• Manually Masturbate Animals for Scientific Research, and Profit
• Discover an Exciting Career as a FORTRAN programmer
• SCIENCE, BITCHES!
• Video Game Expert: Canceled Due to Lack of Interest
• There’s Money to be Made in Extortion!
• BEETS AND TURNIPS! They Don’t Just Grow Themselves!
• Hey you! Sewer Urchin? YEAH!
• Ever Considered a Career in Mill Grinding?
• CARDBOARD BOXES! Make them in your own home!
• Start a Career in Career Fair Organization!
• Web Designer
• Who. Can. It’s. Man. The. Beat Poetry. Dig?
• Get Good Wit Editing.
• Want to Wear a CHEF’S HAT? Become a Chef’s Hat Manufacturer!
• Now Taking Resumes for Third Level Lug-nut and Wing-nut Bolt Inspectors.

• The clock is indicating that the present time is optimum for the ingestion of Miller brand malted beverage.
• Gillette shaving implement is far superior to any other shaving implements acquirable to males.
• Though it is not spatially defined, there is an Intel brand computer chip within the confines of this hypothetical space.
• Budweiser is monarch to all malted beverages. Not democratically elected but assigned to the title at birth.
• A diamond will out last all else.
• One complete solar cycle without the ingestion of squeezed nectar derived from oranges, is compared to that same solar cycle without the sun itself, thus causing a paradox.
• I am finding it a difficult concept to accept in my belief system: I ingested everything that was given to me. Pepto-Bismol.
• Duracell: a product that continues on a trajectory, uninterrupted.
• Compared to a person living in close proximity, who is of good character, State Farm exists.
• AT&T: stretch out your feeling or grasping appendage and make contact through touch, with a human that is not you.
• VISA is omnipotent and follows you where you may desire to go.

If I made a movie based solely on the 4 most frequently used words of the 10 top grossing films from the 2005 domestic box office.

• “The of and War”

If I made a movie based solely on the most frequently used words of the 10 top grossing films  from the 1915 domestic box office.

• “The of Golden West Chimmie Fadden”

If I made a movie based solely on the to 10 most frequently used words of the 401 top grossing films of all time.

• “The Star Man Wars With Men II”

If I made a movie based solely on the to 6 most frequently used words of the  top rated horror films of all time

• “The Dead of Dr. Man”

If I made a movie based solely on the to 6 most frequently used words of the  top rated sci-fi films of all time

• “The Stars of Frankenstein Wars”

Being a nerd is hard work. Despite this, I give you top of the line humor every week! I do the work so you don’t have to.

Anyway, here’s an article:

D&D player classes that didn’t make the cut.

• Balloon Mage
• Barbarian Caterer
• News Anchor
• Tall Dwarf
• Shoe Mender
• Dude
• Book Binder and his nemesis Book Debinder
• Elf Bricklayer
• Cheesemaster
• Ork Whore
• Muffler Repair Wizard
• Elfstronaut
• Unemployed
• Video Game Wizard and Pinball Wizard
• Goat Thief
• l33t dr00id
• Dwarf Zamboni Operator
• Photographer
• Interpretive dancer
• Telephone Repairman
• Magic Loser
• Dwarf Tosser
• Baseball All Star

Goggle Ad-libs! did you know goggle does wild card searches? Use * in place of words in a phrase, and watch the comedy write itself!

Google tells us about:

Bathroom Etiquette

“I * to poop, but”
…I had to poop but I had my hands full of bags.
…I still needed to poop but I didn’t want to miss my bus.
…I knew he needed to poop but he doesn’t get to it right away.

“I don’t * the toilet”
…I don ’ t know who designed the toilet seats , but they seem to be better fitted for gorillas than humans.
…I don’t mind dumping it everytime into the toilet but do I actually have to rinse it everytime too?
…I don’t mean the toilet but the performance of the singers!
…I don’t know if he can best the Flamingo Toilet Plungers but he can have fun trying!
…I don’t push her to go on the toilet, but I ask regularly if she wants to.

“I normally * the bathroom, but”
…I normally keep it in the bathroom but I decided that the bedroom is better, I go in there less and therefore it is not in my face when I go to pee.

Love & Hate

“I love * , but”
…I love pasta. But I don’t love waiting for a huge pot of water to boil to cook it!
…I love Latifa! But I’ll wait for the DVD

“I hate * , but”
…I hate spam but I defend the right of spammerz to spread thier sh!t around.
…This Blog was previously known as “Why I Hate Humanity” but the antipsychotic medication seems to have kicked in.
…i hate mylegs, but they just keepgettingbuy viagra online cheap.

People named George

“George is a * , but”
…In Canada, George is a statistician. But in China, George is Elvis
…George is a smart guy, but entomology and disease certainly isn’t his field
…George is a man, but he was raised by animals, and he can speak their language
…George is a monkey, but he is also a metophor for children everywhere.

Sex

“i don’t like * sex, but”
…I don’t like to talk about sex, but I think I am wearing my husband out!
…I don’t like watchin’ people havin’ sex but there is nothing odd!
…I don’t like having unprotected sex with guys but I made an exception
…I don’t like gay sex. But I don’t like broccoli either, and I can’t make that illegal.

“i * weird sex, but”
…I want weird sex but I’m afraid to say anything because I appear in videos.
…I have weird sex but my hair never look so good right after.

Law

“I * police, but”
…i called police but I kept getting a tape.
…I called police but they never showed up
…I phoned the police but was told that they weren’t in the area
…i called da police but the line was busy the bugs were eating a grizzly

“I * laws, but”
…I break traffic laws but I am a responsible rider and I ride safe.
…I agree with leash laws but where we live very few people obey the law
…I will obey no laws but me own. I’m gonna create my own gods and devils.

My internal dialogue as I try and figure out what will I do with my time.

• Shit! A meteor… I have to do something!
• online checkers? no.
• I could try out that Thai restaurant I’d regret not going to.
• Shit! I should return my copy of ER volume 3 to the video store… They can’t charge a late fee, can they?
• I could watch it again.
• Have a nap? may as well…
• Learn a some card tricks!
• Write an angry letter to the government stating my displeasure at being in the brunt of a meteor, and buy stamps.
• I’ve always wanted to make photo copies of my butt. In 5 hours I could get a lot of copies.
• Rent a car? Yeah. but not the Ford… I’ll get something nice like a Mercury. And a CD player! On my credit card! hah, suckers.
• Read a book? what if i don’t finish it…
• Read a Kids book?
• I still have that ER Volume 3 DVD…
• Crossword?
• what’s on TV? Oh yeah, meteor coverage.
• Why didn’t I get cable? 5 channels of meteor is not good TV

*Plugs in ER Volume 3.

• “ALF” in German pronounced out loud is “Up”. The Germans never understood why that direction was so important to the show.
• The frequencies ALF speaks in directly resonate with the frequencies German TV sets are designed to self-destruct in.
• In the show ALF kept attacking, and trying to eat the cat. The Germans never understood why the father never put a muzzle on ALF or restrained him using a leash.
• Because of a mistake in translation, the show was advertised as a sort of a German version of “Dawson’s Creek“, but ALF’s short stature and fur made him difficult to take seriously.
• The actor who played the Father in ALF was looked exactly like German actor Gunheim Koontz. Famous for playing the villain in a German kids show “Kunky and the Gunfhaarts” where Gunheim plays a personified toilet stain.
• ALF was up against Germany’s first hit reality TV show “Whas In der ufenfauxhaufflaven, Ist un Gumharden?!?” or in English loosely translates to “What’s in the box, are you stupid?!?”
• ALF the video game for the Nintendo, was a rip off of Burger Time, the game Germans hold most dear.
• They never showed the the legs of the characters in any consistant manner, this is a social mistake, as the legs of Germans are an important body language indicator and a key to giving the character’s motivation and cues to the characters likes and dislikes.
• Guen Stefani, Germany’s favourite pop star, never made an appearance.
• Financial Planning is important to Germans. ALF never shed light on the trappings of a middle class Americans’ financial decisions with a dependent alien.
• Not enough fingers on ALF. A German superstition, like the number 13 here.
• No leather clothing.
• No nudity.

Difficulty: 7

• Lobster
• Ocelot
• Centipedes
• Platypus
• Capybara
• Echidna
• Kinkajou
• Okapi
• Tarsier

Difficulty: 1

• Snakes