Hello,
I am an accomplished lab assistant & evil henchman with many awards and much acclaim. How ever I feel a need to change my profession as of late, the rewards of reanimating the dead pale in comparison to the rewarding work I did with the machines themselves.
Don’t get me wrong though, love of the lab runs deep. But more so my love of robots. Despite the fact that they have not been played in a good light in many Hollywood films, (the ever destructive “terminator”, the inconsolable HAL 9000, and the deadly Daleks) robots still hold a soft spot in my cold shriveled heart.
I truly empathize with robots, sometimes I feel like I’m a robot myself; I can’t go one day without computing something. I have always had an affinity for the word compute. When ever I am given an erroneous statement I say “DOES NOT COMPUTE” in a metallic robot voice. This has frightened many bus drivers, till workers and my neighbors over the years.
My empathy for robots extends into my own personal life. When I go out to the gym I tell my gym buddies my left arm is Canadarm One and my right is Canadarm Two. Then I flex in front of the mirror for hours making little whirring motor noises. I named my dog “00101″ as a salute to robots, I also named my cat “Mr. Whiskers”.
In summary I am the perfect candidate for this position, no need to send a car. I can get there by gyrocopter.
Work Experience
- 1995 - 2003 Assistant to Mad Scientist (references not supplied)
- 1987-1995 Lab Monkey (Duties included, screaming, being subjected to tests, and human/monkey brain transfusion)
- 1895-1982 Assistant on Time Machine Project. (Was thrown forward in time almost 100 years with no chance to return)
- 1876-1895 Helped develop under-water-surface human-transport-module, later called project evil-crush-kill.
- 1860 Babysitter
Education:
- Indissere School for the Criminally Insane (scholarship)
- Transylvanian School for the Hopelessly Lost (MBA)
- University of Toronto (dental school, BSC)
Applied Skills:
Barking, Baking, Banking, Walking, Chewing Gum (not at the same time), Hypnosis, Pottery, Death Ray Servicing, Punch Clock Operator, Radio Tuner, I also know Karate, and some other Japanese words.
Thank you for your time,
Joel Friesen
